I put too much dressing in this salad.

I don't know if this is the sickest I've ever been, but it is the most painful shit, in some cases literally as you will read, that I've ever gone through.

Heat flashes followed by chills, over and over. Waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat all the time, it's dripping constantly from my hair for five minutes. I'm sleeping with five towels at by bedside to switch through throughout the night.

Stuck in Los Angeles, could've got to Sabrina's house in Hollywood until I got better, but decided to try and make the six hour drive home because it'd be more comfortable and my Dad would be able to take care of me... right?

Six hours took eight. Stopped at every god awful cow town along I-5 on the way because of diarrhea. At this point it wasn't as bad as before, it's not so much like I'm pissing out my anus anymore. Switching the AC from heat to cold every five minutes. Neck is unbelievably sore, have to pivot on my shoulders to check blind spots.

I made it home, and the only benefit was the comfort of having my own seclusion to hermit in until it's all over. There were unfortunately many fucking drawbacks.

The headaches and the stomach pains had to be the worst part of this whole ordeal. Every time I stood up I'd grip my stomach and head, bracing the pain. In the back of my mind I felt there stood someone telling me to try and pat and rub at the same time.

Laying down always quite a joyride. I had to lay down to stop my headache, but every time I repositioned my stomach it would hurt like fucking hell for about twenty seconds. Neck hurting and need to roll over? Here comes twenty seconds of agony. Got diarrhea and need to go to the bathroom? Here comes twenty seconds of agony standing up, and twenty more to lay back down. New towels because the one I'm laying on are soaked, twenty + twenty. Fucking hell.

One time the pain got so bad that I grew nauseous and puked. The puking put pressure on the other end of my digestive tract, and I shit myself.

I view this whole thing as spending one week in the fetal position, both figuratively and metaphorically. I think now I am mostly better. I still have all the symptoms, but they are all much, much less intense. The last REAL annoyance is every time I go to the bathroom to deal with a more solid form of diarrhea it's mentally unbearable. It's like... my brain is reacting to how it would in pain, but there is no pain. Or like, when there's some annoying sound going on and you just can't take it anymore. Imagine that, but there's no sound. Eventually it passes and I feel normal, but fuck...

Redlands started yesterday. Bowling is such a horribly stupid fucking thing. Maggots are living in my intestines. I put too much dressing in this salad. My life is fucking miserable.